Over the course of ten years Critical Role’s world of Exandria has evolved beyond the initial campaigns. One area that this evolution has expanded into is publishing, both graphic novels and novels. Exandria’s expansion into publishing has allowed other voices to add to the tapestry of this world. Through this, each author has brought new perspectives and experiences into the stories they tell, often further diving into the psyche and backstory of less established characters as well as main characters.
One of the touchstones of writing is “write what you know.” Many authors pull from personal experience, inspirations, lore that they are passionate about, and genres that they love. Dani Carr is perhaps one of the best authors to expand the world of Exandria, given her role at Critical Role as the Lore Keeper. However, this is not the only aspect of the story that Carr pulled from personal knowledge. She was able to empathize with Essek and his anxiety during “The Fall Will Kill You.”
In an exclusive interview with Temple of Geek, Dani Carr shares how her personal experience helped with writing “The Fall Will Kill You.” She explains how this night is one big panic attack for Essek, and her own experience with anxiety played a role in crafting the story. Carr also revealed why she wanted to give readers the chance to sit in Essek’s head during this pivotal moment in his journey.
Dani Carr Reveals How Essek’s Critical Role Short Story Was Concieved
Temple of Geek: Did you get to choose that you wanted to write Essek’s story? And you said you got focused on this one night. Did you get to pitch what the actual story was? How was that process?
Dani Carr:
I work on these stories in a very specific way. I work on all of our comics and novels and all of our licensing content. I work very, very heavily with Liam O’Brien and Shawnette Ditai and Nikki Chi and Sam Maggs. So with this one, we were thinking up all. We were like, “Okay, well, we’ve got to decide what NPCs we want to focus on. We know we need Essek. We want Avantika. We want Pumat Sol. We want Isharnai, all these things.”
And so we were like, “Okay, all right, we have a big, big list of authors. Who are the ones that we’re looking at? And what stories do we want to tackle? Okay, we know we want these characters, so what do we want to show with these characters?” And I had this idea, again, because all these other characters, we wanted to see different points of view over periods of time. I think Isharnai is the only other one that is kind of the closest to what Essek did, but she has other people to talk to. And so I was like, “I really, really would love to see this dark night of the soul for Essek.” They loved the pitch. The rest of the team loved the pitch. And then I was like, “I would be interested in writing it if that was a possibility.”
Liam and Matt were both like, “Yeah, 100%. It should be you. Do it.” And so it was just a huge honor and leap of faith that they took in me to let me do it. And I was just delighted to be able to pitch the idea without any sort of hope or just like, “This would be interesting. We could also do another thing,” or something like that. They really liked the ‘Dark Night of the Soul’ idea. And then to be like, “And then maybe I could write it, please.” And they agreed, and I was so excited. So I asked, but it definitely had to be approved and all of that. But I was really happy that they let me take on the boy because he’s so important to so many. And it was very fun to be able to both write him and to know that I had that trust, which was really, really—it was an honor, genuinely.
Essek’s Night Of Panic Inspired By Dani Carr’s Own Experiences With Anxiety
Dani Carr:
His whole story is a panic attack. As somebody who experiences that, it was really nice for me to explore because I’m somebody who has very, very severe anxiety. I have panic attacks all the time. So it was kind of nice to explore a character who’s essentially trying to not have a panic attack while having a panic attack. And he’s like, “I’m not having a panic attack. What are you talking about? I can’t breathe.” So yeah, more than any of the other ones, was very much like that. And it was a conscious choice because everybody, almost—I think all the other stories take place over periods of time or them traveling and things like that.
I was like, “I really want to just focus in on just one night, one moment, and let this story happen as we…” Because one of the things we never get is an inside look into Essek’s head. And so I was like, “Well, let’s just sit in his head. Let’s just see what it’s like to be inside this guy’s head on the night that everything feels like it’s become too much. He’s now realizing that he has these friendships. He’s now realizing that the thing that he was twerking for is probably never going to happen. And what does he do with that? How does he hold that? How does he sit with that?” And eventually he still does the skincare routine and we love a king.
Temple of Geek: I loved that this felt like the turning point for Essek when he started, not necessarily made the decision, but when it sort of started to crack that wall that he had surrounded himself with his whole life. He has this element of being an outsider because he’s not religious in the same way everyone else is. I also thought it was very cool that while this was the moment it started to crack, we still saw that cognitive dissonance of him being like, “No, I was right, though. I’m right for what I’m doing. But also what they’re saying makes sense.” Were there any challenges in walking that line? Because it can be really hard to show cognitive dissonance in that sort of way. And I think you captured it so perfectly in a way that’s very, very challenging.
Dani Carr :
Thank you. Yeah, it was, again, I think having anxiety was able to help me understand that because I’m very much somebody who is constantly bogged down by the what ifs. And so I was able to look at everything from multiple perspectives. Do you continue on a path of, “Well, the ends justify the means. Yeah, but all these people are dead. And also, are the ends going to justify the means when it’s clear that they’re not going to share any of this knowledge with me? I’ve been pushed aside, I’ve been pushed out.” And to have to walk that line is, I think, the crux of Essek in this moment is him towing this line and towing this line and being like, “I’ve come too far. I’ve come too far. I can’t turn back now.”
And then having that first moment of, “But could I? Could I turn back?” And to allow himself to start thinking, “But what if I did just stop? What if I did try to make it right again? What if I did try to walk away from this path that I’m on?” Because I think there’s always that sunk cost fallacy that’s like, “Okay, well, in for a penny, in for a pound.” But you can always stop. You can always say, “No, I’m not going to keep doing this terrible thing. No, I’m not going to keep helping these people that I know are doing something bad. No, I’m not going to keep walking this line of…” Not chaos. Essek does not do chaos. “Of bad decisions and finally start to go,” No, well, what if I tried to do the right thing, not for myself, but for other people? What if it wasn’t about my needs? “
And this narrow scope of,” Well, I want this thing, but now I’m trying to actually broaden my view and realize that, oh, this thing I wanted has had this incredible domino effect that I really didn’t see coming. And the only way to stop it is to pull out my domino.” And so it’s really the first time he’s allowed himself to even think that that’s a possibility. And I was just fascinated by the moment that your brain starts to switch. Just when those gears start to tick and start to go,we don’t have to keep doing this. We don’t have to keep being treated like this. You don’t have to keep making these choices just because you’ve already stepped one foot in it or just because you’ve already taken five steps or something like that. You can always turn around. You can always try to make something up.
“Critical Role: The Mighty Nein – Stories Untold” is available now. The book includes stories written by Betsy Aoki, Kiri Callaghan, Dani Carr, Mae Catt, Mike Chen, Rin Chupeco, Nino Cipri, Nadia El-Fassi, and Chase K with a foreword penned by Taliesin Jaffe.
